Congratulations to the lot of you who are already dating, have a
special someone, and are comfortable and happy with someone you consider
your ‘significant other’. If you’ve been in a relationship for a while
now, then you probably would have forgotten how difficult it was when
you were single.
Dating can be tricky, and even more so if you
find that you got stuck with someone you shouldn’t have picked up in the
first place. To make matters worse, it’s a dog-eat-dog world out there
these days, and picking up a random person isn’t as easy as they make it
in today’s TV series.You’re probably well aware of date rape by now, so
to make things easier, here are some things to consider before you head
out the door for a good day of hunting.
I’m not saying that anybody you meet under these categories is a good idea; these are the groups of people who are, at most times, a safer bet than that idiot who rudely felt you up in the club.
CONSIDER THESE DATES
Friends of Friends
Those who fall under this category are probably your best bet. Provided your mate doesn’t have any unresolved issues with you, they probably have a few good friends they’ve yet to introduce you to. Your friends probably know (or are able to unearth) important details, and should be able to fix something up for the sake of your non-existent love life. IF, in the scenario where you don’t hit it off, you can mark it off as a good time with your friend and keep on your merry way. Don’t, however, take your friends for granted and treat them like your own personal dating service.
People You Meet Through Hobbies and Recreational Activities
I used to be very involved in rock-climbing, and used to go at least three times a week. It was a great experience, but I enjoyed it ten-fold because of this guy I used to go and check out. I worked up the nerve to talk to him, was smitten for a while, but unfortunately, I couldn’t make heads or tails with our chemistry and I left Melbourne without ever knowing. We’re great friends now, though, and if I could fix him up with any one of my friends, I know she’d be very happy.
On that note, people you meet when you’re completely uninterested in searching and are too engrossed in something else are normally the most, well, normal. Start a conversation, grab a coffee somewhere, and see where it goes from there. Of course I’d advise to be on your toes at all times but there’s no harm in going for a drink with someone you know you have at least one thing in common with. If you find that you’re not interested, keep them at bay as a friend and make those boundaries crystal clear.
Gatherings and Dinner Parties
Normally, I wouldn’t recommend you meet people at parties (more on that in a later post), but if it’s nothing more than a nice dinner at a friend’s place (I don’t mean seedy serviced apartment), where the lights are on, there’s no pounding music to make conversation impossible, everybody’s only slightly buzzed on good wine and finger foods, and the atmosphere’s casual and light-hearted, then by all means, go forth and flirt! Reminiscent of my first suggestion, your friends wouldn’t (and if they did, shouldn’t) invite a psychopath to a party, and if this is anything like how it’s going on in my head, meeting someone shouldn’t be a problem.
If you’re about to complain that there aren’t enough of these gatherings nowadays, now would be the prime time to start. Round up a few friends and start planning. Steer clear of drugs and that sort of a thing, and keep it civilized, filled with decent conversations and company. Even if you don’t walk away with someone on your arm, it should make for a fine new experience, and hopefully, plenty more to come.
Finally (and this is just in my opinion – it’s open for debate if anyone’s interested), as awkward as this will come out sounding, consider a whole new group to explore. This has been the cause of a lot of conflict, or for some, is simply unheard of, but I’m standing my ground and keeping firm to it when I say that these rules you’re following are social norms, and you’re welcome to give it a shot if you’re prepared to break away from guidelines.
It’s going to be a long one, I warn you. I get real testy about this.
Your Ex’s Friends and/or Your Friend’s Ex’s
EVERYONE knows that you shouldn’t date your ex’s friends and/or your friend’s ex’s. Personally, I think it’s a load of bull, and everyone should be allowed to date anybody they wanted. Unless (and I couldn’t stress this enough) you’ve talked this out with your good friend or have a mutual understanding with your ex, then you’re allowed to roam free, and if you so happen to come across their seconds and are alright with it, by all means – go for it.
Think about it – vital information is accessible, they don’t technically belong to anyone, and you know that they’re good people (otherwise they wouldn’t be your ex’s friends or your friend’s ex). I’m not saying that it’s a great idea and you should pounce on it right away, but I am suggesting that it is an option.
Consider why your mate ended the relationship with him/her.
Consider why he/she doesn’t seem bothered by the fact that you’re a friend’s ex.
However, don’t put too much pressure on social rules, up to the point where it’s completely dictating your personal life. Be prepared for some scorn, but if this person lives up to your expectations and you believe that they’re worth a leap, go for it – mind you, I’m speaking for personal experience, and up until this point, I’ve turned out fine.
I’d be happy to hear from you, so tell me what you think, whether it be of my suggestions on people you meet in everyday situations for dates, anything I’ve left out (if you have any ideas yourself) and/or your take on the last bit of this article.
I’m not saying that anybody you meet under these categories is a good idea; these are the groups of people who are, at most times, a safer bet than that idiot who rudely felt you up in the club.
CONSIDER THESE DATES
Friends of Friends
Those who fall under this category are probably your best bet. Provided your mate doesn’t have any unresolved issues with you, they probably have a few good friends they’ve yet to introduce you to. Your friends probably know (or are able to unearth) important details, and should be able to fix something up for the sake of your non-existent love life. IF, in the scenario where you don’t hit it off, you can mark it off as a good time with your friend and keep on your merry way. Don’t, however, take your friends for granted and treat them like your own personal dating service.
People You Meet Through Hobbies and Recreational Activities
I used to be very involved in rock-climbing, and used to go at least three times a week. It was a great experience, but I enjoyed it ten-fold because of this guy I used to go and check out. I worked up the nerve to talk to him, was smitten for a while, but unfortunately, I couldn’t make heads or tails with our chemistry and I left Melbourne without ever knowing. We’re great friends now, though, and if I could fix him up with any one of my friends, I know she’d be very happy.
On that note, people you meet when you’re completely uninterested in searching and are too engrossed in something else are normally the most, well, normal. Start a conversation, grab a coffee somewhere, and see where it goes from there. Of course I’d advise to be on your toes at all times but there’s no harm in going for a drink with someone you know you have at least one thing in common with. If you find that you’re not interested, keep them at bay as a friend and make those boundaries crystal clear.
Gatherings and Dinner Parties
Normally, I wouldn’t recommend you meet people at parties (more on that in a later post), but if it’s nothing more than a nice dinner at a friend’s place (I don’t mean seedy serviced apartment), where the lights are on, there’s no pounding music to make conversation impossible, everybody’s only slightly buzzed on good wine and finger foods, and the atmosphere’s casual and light-hearted, then by all means, go forth and flirt! Reminiscent of my first suggestion, your friends wouldn’t (and if they did, shouldn’t) invite a psychopath to a party, and if this is anything like how it’s going on in my head, meeting someone shouldn’t be a problem.
If you’re about to complain that there aren’t enough of these gatherings nowadays, now would be the prime time to start. Round up a few friends and start planning. Steer clear of drugs and that sort of a thing, and keep it civilized, filled with decent conversations and company. Even if you don’t walk away with someone on your arm, it should make for a fine new experience, and hopefully, plenty more to come.
Finally (and this is just in my opinion – it’s open for debate if anyone’s interested), as awkward as this will come out sounding, consider a whole new group to explore. This has been the cause of a lot of conflict, or for some, is simply unheard of, but I’m standing my ground and keeping firm to it when I say that these rules you’re following are social norms, and you’re welcome to give it a shot if you’re prepared to break away from guidelines.
It’s going to be a long one, I warn you. I get real testy about this.
Your Ex’s Friends and/or Your Friend’s Ex’s
EVERYONE knows that you shouldn’t date your ex’s friends and/or your friend’s ex’s. Personally, I think it’s a load of bull, and everyone should be allowed to date anybody they wanted. Unless (and I couldn’t stress this enough) you’ve talked this out with your good friend or have a mutual understanding with your ex, then you’re allowed to roam free, and if you so happen to come across their seconds and are alright with it, by all means – go for it.
Think about it – vital information is accessible, they don’t technically belong to anyone, and you know that they’re good people (otherwise they wouldn’t be your ex’s friends or your friend’s ex). I’m not saying that it’s a great idea and you should pounce on it right away, but I am suggesting that it is an option.
Consider why your mate ended the relationship with him/her.
Consider why he/she doesn’t seem bothered by the fact that you’re a friend’s ex.
However, don’t put too much pressure on social rules, up to the point where it’s completely dictating your personal life. Be prepared for some scorn, but if this person lives up to your expectations and you believe that they’re worth a leap, go for it – mind you, I’m speaking for personal experience, and up until this point, I’ve turned out fine.
I’d be happy to hear from you, so tell me what you think, whether it be of my suggestions on people you meet in everyday situations for dates, anything I’ve left out (if you have any ideas yourself) and/or your take on the last bit of this article.
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